As Jews, we take education seriously—we always have. Every day, in Shema, we reiterate the importance of Jewish education: “Veshinantam L’baneicha.” Nowadays, though, we seem to have taken it to a new level. Every parent seems to be on edge when it comes to their child’s academic performance. We worry when our kids aren’t succeeding in school, and we’re constantly monitoring homework, grades, and attendance.
All of this can backfire. Children feel a tremendous amount of pressure. They often feel as if their parents will only love them if they do well in school. Many lose their motivation, convinced they’ll never measure up to their parents’ expectations. Others fight back and get bad grades on purpose, just to resist their parents’ constant vigilance and intrusion.
Furthermore, children used to be in charge of monitoring their own homework, grades, and attendance. This built responsibility and accountability. By not letting them stay in control of their own schoolwork, we deprive them of the very tools they need to become capable, dependable adults.
Finally, children are losing their natural love of learning. We need to help them get it back, and help them feel successful at school. Here are three ways we can do that:
Know That Success Comes in Many Different Packages
We all know people who were awful at school and still went on to build successful lives. I can think of plenty of friends, relatives, and acquaintances who never succeeded academically but became outstanding in their given professions. So we can relax about school—it is not the be-all and end-all predictor of a successful life. Once we start to ease up, our children will feel it. They’ll feel less pressured to succeed, and they might actually start learning simply because learning is fun, challenging, and stimulating.
Find Your Child’s Strengths
Learning doesn’t only happen in an academic setting. Everyone has their own talents and strengths. Help your child figure out what theirs are (and know that plenty of children are late bloomers—that’s okay). Don’t worry if your child’s interests shift from day to day, year to year. They’re not being wishy-washy or irresponsible; they’re just trying to find what they’re good at. Once your child finds something they like, help them cultivate that interest. That doesn’t mean you need to invest a lot of money or time—the library, a quick search online, or a local class can give them everything they need to pursue a hobby. This is learning too. Becoming knowledgeable about a topic that has nothing to do with school can boost a child’s confidence and help them feel genuinely capable as a learner.
Give Children a Break
Our kids are in school for many hours a day. In order to learn, our brains need a break. Make sure children get plenty of playtime, preferably outdoors, and time to genuinely unwind once they’re home—away from packed schedules and screens. Getting kids to sleep on time and making sure they have a good breakfast before they head out in the morning goes a long way too in helping them show up ready to succeed at school.
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